Episode 36: I Have Got To Stop Loving You So I Have Killed My Pet Goat

Connor and Jack explore the fantastic poem "I Have Got To Stop Loving You So I Have Killed My Black Goat" by Ai. Connor and Jack talk about grotesque and profane images, and how they get us to the profound and sacred, and make a million references in order to talk about how images work, including Call Me By Your Name and Star Wars.

Check out the poem below, or at this link. Read more about Ai here.

Read the referenced article, "Earning the Vomit" by Anna Journey here.

Read the referenced "essay" by Charles Simic here.

I Have Got to Stop Loving You So I Have Killed My Black Goat
By: Ai

His kidney floats in a bowl,
a beige, flat fish, around whom parasites,slices of lemon,
break through the surface of hot broth, then sink below,
as I bend, face down in the steam, breathing in.
I hear this will cure anything.

When I am finished, I walk up to him.
He hangs from a short wooden post,
tongue stuck out of his mouth,
tasting the hay flavored air.
A bib of flies gathers at his throat
and further down, where he is open
and bare of all his organs,
I put my hand in, stroke him once,
then taking it out, look at the sky.
The storm clouds there break open
and raindrops, yellow as black cats' eyes, come down
each a tiny river, hateful and alone.

Wishing I could get out of this alive, I hug myself.
It is hard to remember if he suffered much.